How does God guide us? If we truly love God and are serious about being disciples of Christ, then we should always want toact and make decisions in line with what God wants.
What Would Jesus Do?
Back in the 1990, a helpful phrase became popular for Christians: “What would Jesus do?” It was often abbreviated to WWJD and many Christians bought and wore bracelets with WWJD on it.
As a phrase it was helpful in many ways. Paul will say later in 1 Corinthians,
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)
In the sense that it encourages us to treat others with the sacrificial love and compassion that Jesus showed we are certainly meant to follow Jesus’s example he is our role model and those who successfully]follow Jesus in their own lives, like Paul can also be good role models for us to follow.
But we also need to remember that we are not Jesus and neither are we Paul. Jesus preached to thousands, healed the sick and went to the cross. These were all specific to his calling and mission. Similarly, Paul travelled around from place to place, preaching the good news about Jesus to as many as possible. We will want to follow his example to use our gifts and opportunities to share the good news, but we are not the same as Paul and do not have the same calling or gifting, so most will not preach to crowds or travel from place to place, but simply talk about Jesus as opportunity arises with the people we engage with.
There are some ways where following a role model’s example is appropriate and some ways where it is important to recognise that we are different to them and that our gifts and calling is different. We are not all the same.
1 Corinthians 7
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul recognises that not everyone is called or gifted to live in the same way as him, that we are not all alike:
“I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” (1 Corinthians 7:7)
The issue at stake here is that of marriage. Paul and Jesus were both single. Jesus never married and there is debate about whether Paul had always been single or was possibly widowed or divorced. What is clear from the passage, though is that when he wrote this letter he was single and pleased to be so.
But he is also clear, that this was his particular calling and that whilst being single was right for him, it was not God’s calling for everyone and marriage was a perfectly good state to be in as a Christian.
We have seen that in the previous chapters Paul has been addressing the issue of sexual immorality. He has been very clear that as Christians we are to flee from sexual immorality. Sex outside of marriage is not appropriate for Christians full stop.
But, as we come to chapter 7, the tone changes. Whilst commands like flee sexual immorality are universal and apply to everyone, now he addresses the reality and complexity of life’s decisions around the issue of marriage. The chapter appears confusing and complex, because it is seeking to apply clear Christian principles to the diversity of situations we find ourselves in and the different gifts and callings we have.
There is also a change in tone, because Paul is now not just challenging their wrong behaviour, but responding to questions they have written to him about and seeking to correct some of their misunderstandings.
The particular issue here, seems to be that in verse 1, Paul is quoting what some of the Corinthians are saying,
“It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
It seems that, perhaps as a result of Paul’s teaching against sexual immorality, or for other reasons unknown to us, some of the Corinthians felt that Christians should abandon sex altogether. That after all was Paul’s personal example to them.
Paul’s response begins by saying that the answer to all the sexual immorality is not complete abstinence for all, but the prioritisation of marriage for those called to marriage.
Prioritising Marriage
For many in the Roman empire of Paul’s day, marriage was about duty not love. You married the right person to improve your status, to produce children to continue the family line and so on.
Ovid, a Roman poet said:
“there could be no erotic pleasure (amor) between husband and wife because it was a relationship of duty.”
It was common for men not to see marriage as their main means to sexual intimacy, but to seek that with mistresses, prostitutes or slaves.
In contrast both to these Roman attitudes and to the over-puritanical attitude of the Corinthians to abstain from sex altogether, Paul calls on those who are married to prioritise intimacy within marriage.
Applying the principle of Genesis 2:24, which talks about the idea of ‘one flesh union’, he reminds them that the Biblical concept of marriage is of a bodily union. This means he says, that the husbands body in a sense belongs to his wife and the wife’s to the husbands.
The point is not that the husband has the right to the wives body or that the wife has a right to the husbands body – such an attitude can lead to abuse or forcing oneself on one another or at least resentment.
Rather it is saying that both have a responsibility to give to the other the care, support and intimacy that is expected in marriage and not to permanently take those things away from the other.
In other words, when married Christians have a Biblical understanding of marriage, they should prioritise making their marriages flourish in every sense.
Now of course we recognise that every marriage is different and the amount of and level of passion and intimacy within even flourishing marriages will vary through time and from marriage to marriage.
But working to maintain both sexual intimacy and mutual support and care should be a priority for married Christians.
Why might such intimacy be lost?
One danger, which is probably closest to the issue faced here, is that in a zealousness to be a good Christian, one or both of a couple can spend so much time focussed on spiritual exercises or church work, that they neglect the time and emotional engagement with their husband or wife. This kind of behaviour may feel like you are being super-spiritual, but if it is at the expense of your marriage, it is a denial of your calling in God. To truly live for Christ may mean investing more in your marriage and less in your church or spiritual life!
More frequently, patterns of work and overwork can take so much time and energy away, that couples have little time or energy left for each other. This can be worse if you are working different shifts and juggling child care. As much as possible, it may be necessary to change your patterns of work to invest emotionally in your marriage and give to each other what is their due.
Another common reason is unforgiven hurt or upset, that leads to a kind of cold shoulder within marriage. As Christians, we believe in a God of reconciliation, who did everything to repair our relationship with him, even though it was all our fault. In the same way, if there has been a breakdown of hurt and upset in our marriages, let’s seek to do all we can to bring about reconciliation, perhaps suing marriage counsellors to help, where we cannot manage it ourselves.
Paul stresses the importance of offering intimacy in marriage, before discussing the topic of marriage break ups. In both Jewish and Roman society of the time, divorce was common and easy. When some became Christians, they may have felt that they should divorce their non-Christian husband or wife, becoming a Christian may even have been seen by some as a good excuse to get out of an unhappy marriage.
But, Paul probably referring back to Jesus’s words on divorce, reminds them that the Christian understanding of marriage is that it is a permanent lifelong union – “’til death do us part.” Or as Jesus puts it, “What God has joined together, let man not separate.” Once again, the fundamental understanding of one flesh in Genesis 2 lies behind this teaching.
Yet, Paul does not avoid the realities and complexities of life. Even in the bold statements of verses 10 to 11, there is a concession that separation may be necessary – and certainly, if a woman is caught in an abusive relationship, then separation if not divorce, is a wise course of action.
Paul emphasises that even if you are with a non-Christian, you should still stick with the marriage. Your holiness as a Christians is enough to make the family as a whole holy in God’s eyes, despite the unbelief of your husband pr wife!
But he concedes that becoming a Christian can put pressure on a marriage and it may be that the unbelieving husband or wife chooses to leave. In that case, he says it is unwise to force the situation – you cannot make someone stay. If the other abandons your marriage, then you are not bound. That means that at least they are need not feel they need to work to try and restore the marriage or it may mean they are free to remarry.
In all of this, Paul is emphasising, that although becoming a Christian gives you a whole new commitment to Jesus and to following him, rather than distracting from your marriage, this should encourage you to invest in your marriage even more fully, to work for its flourishing and continuation, through the ups and downs of life.
But, if you are unmarried, what then? Should you seek to marry or stay unmarried? Paul does not give a straightforward answer to this question. Rather he kind of says, ‘it depends.’
Valuing Singleness
In our modern world, where young people can be made to feel ashamed for being virgins, the idea of both celibate singleness, is seen as a state to be avoided. Rather than fleeing sexual immorality as Paul urges, they are often encouraged to flee singleness and certainly celibate singleness.
This is perhaps reflected in the phrase sometimes used when someone finds a partner, “They’ve found happiness.” As though you can only truly be happy in this life if you have someone to share an intimate relationship with.
Yet, such an attitude can lead people to jump at the first opportunity of a sexual relationship that comes along and leave them vulnerable to falling into exploitative or abusive relationships, rather than taking the time to find the right partner.
In contrast, Paul values and is happy with his own singleness and sees that it could be a good thing for others as well. As we have seen in verse 7, he says, “I wish that all of you were as I am.” and in verse 8, he says to the unmarried, “It is good for them to stay unmarried.”
Throughout Christian history, the celibate life has often been seen as a higher calling than marriage. I really believe that as Christians today, we need to value the call to singleness more and work harder at creating communities that support and encourage single people, rather than expecting everyone to end up in a married relationship. Especially as the trend in society is for people to be less likely to marry and more likely to be single.
Paul gives reasons later in the chapter for seeing singleness as an advantage. He says you are saved all the worries and stresses that the married face, so that you can be more devoted to following Jesus and doing his work, rather than having to invest in your marriage.
” I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs–how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world–how he can please his wife– and his interests are divided.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34a)
For those who are single, whether through divorce, bereavement or having never married, it is important to find happiness and blessing in the state you find yourself in – even if it is only temporary, because as Christians we are to see it as a gift from God, a status to be embraced and celebrated for the positive benefits it brings, rather than an unfortunate imposition.
Stay as you are?
In fact making the most of your present circumstances for your own happiness and for the opportunities it offers to serve Christ is a major theme of this passage.
In verses 17 to 24, Paul reminds the Corinthians that becoming a Christian does not mean seeking to change the life circumstance you find yourself in, but making the most of where God has placed you.
Are you circumcised? Don’t try and change back!
Are you uncircumcised? Don’t get circumcised. Circumcision does not matter, but living for Christ.
Are you a slave? Don’t worry about it – know you are free in Christ!
Are you free? Great, but remember you are a slave to Christ.
Are you single, then there’s no need to seek marriage, rejoice in the gift God has given you.
Are you married, then if possible stick with your marriage and invest in making it flourish.
Our first aim, should be to learn to make the most of the circumstances God has put us in. That does not mean that change is always wrong.
If as a slave you have the chance to be set free, then grab it!
If you are single and fall passionately in love with another Christian, then go ahead marry!
But don’t spend your life wishing you were something you are not. Make the most of where God has placed you now.
St. Luke's Church Ramsgate 